“It’s OK to be sad.”

When we moved to New York City back in March, there were so many new and exciting things to look forward to: our apartment, new restaurants, walks in Central Park, new jobs, meeting new people, exploring New York City. We were so excited to experience life in NYC and try something different. There were also many unknowns and so much uncertainty that accompanied our move from rural New England to bustling NYC. I want to share some thoughts on the not-so-thrilling part of our quick decision to move and completely change our lives in a very short period of time…

After a few weeks in the city, I caught myself obsessing and worrying about everything. What if I can’t find a job? Are we paying too much for rent? Is Bruiser OK living in a new space? Where will people sit when they come to visit (we don’t have a couch!)? Will we make friends? Was it the wrong decision to move? Most of the time, though, I was fine and happy and excited about this time in our lives; I was myself.  Other days, I woke up in the morning in a weird mood and couldn’t shake it off for the entire day. A whole day in our new city–wasted. I felt guilty for feeling that way because we had moved to this amazing city–which was something I really wanted for us–and I had an amazing husband, supportive and loving family, great apartment, and a growing network of people to help me move forward with my career. But there were days when I felt insecure about our future and where we were in life. I was overwhelmed and frustrated.

One afternoon, while hanging out in Central Park, my cousin Katie, who was in the city for work, said to me, “It’s OK to be sad.” I wasn’t sharing many details about why I felt down, but I know Katie could sense my apprehension. We talked about how life can throw you curve balls; one minute you’re on a high, and by the next minute, you feel like everything is out-of-place and just wrong.

Initially, I didn’t think much about Katie’s comment. But later that day and over the following days, her comment kept coming back to me. “It’s OK to be sad.” It’s such a simple but powerful statement to say to someone who is dealing with something–anything–no matter how big or small that thing might be. We can be so hard on ourselves. It’s important to give yourself permission to be sad. It’s OK to let yourself feel the feelings. There is so much we learn about ourselves during times of insecurity, sadness, failure and those things are important to understand. I think those times of pain and suffering help us. You need the lows to truly appreciate the highs.

For me, there are times when I am so focused on trying everything possible to get myself to not feel sad or guilty or whatever that I totally skip over the part when I listen to my feelings and reflect on them. Why am I sad? How did I get here? These are the questions I should give myself time to think about. Instead, I think: Snap out of it–I’m being ungrateful! What’s wrong with me?

But if I strive to constantly be in a state of happiness–just a flat line–how can I truly appreciate life? How do I differentiate between the good times, great times, bad times, and every time in between? We’re all capable of feeling this huge range of feelings. If we miss out on the majority of our feelings because we’ve picked one feeling and put it on a pedestal and declared it as THE one we want ALL OF THE TIME then we become this annoyingly edited version of our true selves.

Whatever your situation is, reflect on it and don’t rush through that time of reflection; don’t rush the process–trust it. Everyone is different, and everyone takes different amounts of time to work through their issues and emotions. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling whether it’s sad, angry, lonely, confused, unsure. And try your best not to let guilt creep in. I know–way easier said than done, right? Maybe a better way of thinking about it is: try your best to be conscience of guilt creeping in. This is something I struggle with. The thing is, guilt adds this whole other element to the scenario and ends up taking away from your time of reflection and learning and growth.

One last note: As I remember that afternoon in the park with my cousin, I can’t help but think that Katie must have gone through a similar time in her life, a time when she was feeling down and unsure and overwhelmed. If she hadn’t gone through something similar, how would she have known to say to me, “It’s OK to be sad.”? If anything, maybe we go through these rough times in our own lives to then turn around and help others get through their own hardships. To honestly and openly identify with and share the feelings of others. Empathy.

What about you? Have you experienced these waves of anxiety and insecurity accompanied with an exciting/major life change? Have you been able to offer words of comfort to someone else experiencing a hardship? I’d love to hear your thoughts. xo

(Dan took this picture of me last spring at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.)